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That Deceitful Bohemian Delilah

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A Decision Had To Be Made [May. 3rd, 2003|10:41 pm]
That Deceitful Bohemian Delilah
[Current Mood |blunt]
[Current Music |nothing]

Due to recent events I've become rapidly disgusted and bored with livejournal. I have increasingly lost respect for this organization and the people within it have proven to be quite untrustworthy. Writing in this journal isn't going to feel the same as it used to, but I'd still like to keep it.

So, in order to protect my privacy, and the privacy of those in my life who I love more than myself, I've decided to make this journal friends only.

I'm sorry it's come to this, but I feel it's time. I've been thinking of doing it for awhile anyway.

If anyone wants to be added to my friends list, leave me a comment. I will add you back at my discretion.

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"So, you are the Christ. You're the great Jesus Christ." [May. 2nd, 2003|02:41 am]
That Deceitful Bohemian Delilah
[Current Mood |indescribable]
[Current Music |headache and thoughts on the brain]

..Funny how at a time like this..out of nowhere, through the pounding in my head..I was reminded of Jesus..

I remember when this whole thing began.
No talk of God then, we called you a man.
And believe me, my admiration for you hasn't died.
But every word you say today
Get's twisted 'round some other way.
And they'll hurt you if they think you've lied.

Nazareth, your famous son should have stayed a great unknown
Like his father carving wood
He'd have made good.
Tables, chairs, and oaken chest would have suited Jesus best.
He'd have caused nobody harm, no-one alarm.

My head really hurts.
And this blend of poignent lyrics and a Catholic school education, is my form of expression for the night.
"Blessed are they that have not seen, and yet have believed.."

I only want to say,
If there is a way,
Take this cup away from me.
For I don't want to taste its poison,
Feel it burn me.
I have changed.
I'm not as sure, as when we started.
Then, I was inspired.
Now, I'm sad and tired.
Listen, surely, I've exceeded expectations,
Tried for three years, seems like thirty.
Could you ask as much from any other man?

But if I die,
See the saga through and do the things you ask of me,
Let them hate me, hit me, hurt me, nail me to their tree.
I'd want to know, I'd want to know, My God,
I'd want to see, I'd want to see, My God,
Why I should die.
Would I be more noticed that I ever was before?
Would the things that I've said and done matter any more?
I have to know, I have to know my Lord,
I'd have to see, I'd have to see, my Lord,
If I die what will be my reward?
I'd have to know, I'd have to know my Lord
Why should I die?
Can you show me now that I would not be killed in vain?
Show me just a little of your omnipresent brain.
Show me there's a reason for you wanting me to die
You're far to keen and where and how, and not so hot on why.
Alright, I'll die!
Just watch me die!
See how I die!

Then, I was inspired.
Now, I'm sad and tired.
After all, I've tried for three years, seems like ninety.
Why then am I scared to finish, what I've started....
What you started - I didn't start it!
God, thy will is hard,
But you hold every card.
I will drink your cup of poison.
Nail me to the cross and break me.
Bleed me, Beat me, Kill me
Take me now..before I change my mind.
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Smooth Like Gravel [Apr. 29th, 2003|08:38 pm]
That Deceitful Bohemian Delilah
[Current Mood |distresseddistressed]
[Current Music |American Idol]

..To have fallen from favor so fast feels like failure..

I had pleased you so consecutively for so long that the rest of the world and I were worthy of your smile today. I adore that smile. I wish you wouldn't put it away just yet, it seems like punishment to see it go.

I just want to be a good girl. I try..

Report Card For The Third Marking Period:

English III H- B+
US History I H- B+
Algebra II B CP- A
Chemistry I CP- B+
Health III- A+
SATB Chorus- A
French III CP- B-

Did you know that Baskin Robbins has two limited edition flavors inspired by X2? My dad brought me home one flavor that was dark chocolate with oreo in it and blue streaks of peppermint. It was pretty good actually, but very filling. Heh, I was eating X-men ice cream.

And since I finished The Joy Luck Club the other day here are some quotes I liked:

"In all my imaginings, I was filled with the sense that I would soon become perfect. My mother and father would adore me. I would be beyond reproach. I would never feel the need to sulk for anything.
But sometimes the prodigy in me became impatient. "If you don't hurry up and get me out of here, I'm disappearing for good," it warned. "And then you'll always be nothing."

"And before I even do it, I know I'm starting a fight that is bigger than I know how to handle. But I do it anyway."

"At least we had that, a piece of paper to hold us together. But it's hard to tell someone's marriage intentions when you can't say things aloud. All those little signs--the teasing, the bossy, scolding words--that's how you know if it is serious."

I'm 17 and a half today. That means there's only 6 months left until my 18th birthday. 6 months left til salvation.
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"Ah, Look At All The Lonely People, " She Sings At Forte. [Apr. 28th, 2003|03:45 pm]
That Deceitful Bohemian Delilah
[Current Mood |okayokay]
[Current Music |nothing]

I was depressed last night and today too for that matter, for no apparent reason.

Anyone who sees me on a daily basis, or often anyway, knows that my moods are usually worn on my face. I got lots of, "What's wrong?"s, "Are you ok?"s, and "How are you?"s today. I got some hugs too from concerned people which made me feel a bit better.

In gym today I was walking around the track on my own and listening to a group of girls in front of me talk about how one of the girls had a hickey on her neck, she was trying to avoid the subject and cover it with her hair. I thought to myself, if I ever had a hickey, I'd show it off. I'd wear my hair up, draw a frigging circle around it and write, "Look! Look!" on my neck.

Then on the way in my gym teacher asked me how I was and what I was planning on doing in college. I told him theatre and he said that was great because I'm good at it and have such a strong stage presence. I've noticed that people say that about the stage presence alot. It's kind of gratifying to know that I have what it takes to draw attention on stage.

But perhaps there is a reason for this sudden depression and sullenness. It's springtime, the weather's getting warm and human nature is making me feisty. The words, 'physical companionship' come to mind. Because I know more than ever lately I am yearning like crazy just to feel his hand in mine or hear 5 seconds of his voice. I want to spend the day with him, and the night. This aching inside me to have that, enhanced by nature, well I can't deny it.

And every time the loudspeaker comes on during the day, there's always that tinge of hope that it'll be my name called and he'll take me home. I half expect, walking to my bus, that at any moment I'll feel someone grab my arm and turn me around and it will be him. And on the way home I dream of opening the door to my house and finding him there.

"Spring and it's attendant rituals are about man's and woman's eternal quest to triumph over chaos and let the species persist, persevere, and prevail. Ain't it cool?"

(If you drove over here, I wouldn't tell. My lips would be too busy.)

I'm living a dream within a dream..
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I Am My Mother's Daughter [Apr. 26th, 2003|07:51 pm]
That Deceitful Bohemian Delilah
[Current Mood |thoughtfulthoughtful]
[Current Music |nothing]

I just had this huge, intense mother-daughter moment.

My mother and I found out that The Joy Luck Club was going to be on one of the movie channels today. So, we sat down and watched it together. For those of you who don't know The Joy Luck Club is about the stories of four women who grew up in China and their relationship with their family and mothers. Then the four of them end up coming to America so it is also the story of all they left behind in China and the relationships they have with their daughters who grew up American.

It's a very intense and sad movie and by the end my mom and I were both crying quietly. We tried to laugh it off and kind of joke about what a depressing movie it is. Then we ended up hugging each other and just holding each other for the longest time. She was crying and I was determined to keep my tears silent. I felt compelled to tell her that I loved her, but I didn't because I knew, I just knew she was thinking the same thing about me. Then she said it only a few seconds after I thought it, and I told her I loved her too. She said, "I just want the best for you." I told her I knew. I do know.

Then we kind of laughed it off and parted ways and went to check our email. The kind of connection we had while we were hugging though was amazing. It was like we could literally read each other's minds. I could feel what was going on inside her head, concious of the part of me that came from her.

I have the best parents in the world. I wish I had a brother or sister to share my parents with. I wish I had someone else who could fully understand how wonderful they are. I've thought about what it will be like when it's only me, but I can't even imagine it. Who will share their memory with me? Who will have known what went on in this house? Just me.

I thought about my mother's mother today. As I was concious of what was inside my mother's head I knew she was thinking of her too. I hardly knew her. But I've seen the video of my first birthday with her on it, and I've heard enough stories from my mom and her brother and sister to make it feel like I knew her. I often envy their stories of growing up together and sit in awe of them. Those three share a bond. I will never know what it's like to be a sister. I will never know what that bond feels like. I can never decide if I would have gotten along with another child in the house or not. But it doesn't matter, what matters really is that they came from where you did. They know. Or at least I would imagine they would.

I've asked my parents before if they ever wished they had another child. At first they'd say, "Eh, it might have been nice to have had someone for you to have been able to play with as a child but...," then every time they would say, "No. We stopped at perfection."

I love them both so much. And even though my mom can be annoyingly protective and my father always yells..I know that they both adore me.

Wow, this post and all these thoughts are really getting me emotional now. My mind is heavy from thinking about who I am and where I came from.

My father just came in my room and brought me a glass of wine without me even asking for one, because he and my mother are having one downstairs. I think that's my cue to end this entry and just enjoy my drink and maybe think a wee bit less. Distractions, laughter perhaps, or romance, something I can handle. *raises glass* Cheers.
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Can't...Breathe...Must...Die [Apr. 25th, 2003|12:47 pm]
That Deceitful Bohemian Delilah
[Current Mood |i'm such a loser]
[Current Music |people talking and typing]

I just ran the mile last period and it slaughtered me. In order to pass I had to run it in 11 minutes and 46 seconds or less. I actually tried really hard and applied myself and passed by only 10 seconds. 11 minutes 36 seconds.

On my second lap two boys were running behind me and one goes, "Get out of the way!" While the other says to me, "You dumb bitch," and they kept running past. Sigh.

On the last curve going into the last straight I realized I only had a minute left to finish (thanks to my handy Baby G watch) so I ran as fast as I could mumbling to myself between labored breaths, "Fuck...this...fucking...mile...in...the ass...this...fucking...sucks...so...fucking...bad." I was the last one left to finish at this point so the rest of the class got to sit there and watch me run the rest of the way. It was awful.

So I finished at 11 minutes 36 seconds with an untied sneaker and my strapless bra around my waist, convinced I was going to die. He told us to keep walking until our breathing went back to normal, but mine didn't go back to normal so I sat down on the track and rest my head on my knee as he took down everyone's score. I felt so much like crying but my body wouldn't let me with my headache and my crazy breathing, so tears just streamed down my face instead. It took me forever to catch my breath. When I sat down on the bench back in the locker room I kind of fell off it onto the floor. It was hard standing up and getting changed.

And even now that I sit here I feel a bit dizzy and it hurts to breathe. The worst part of it is though is that when I told people my score they go, "Oh, well did you try?" YES, I really really tried. When I wasn't running or jogging I was walking trying to catch my breathe. I don't think I actually managed to catch it the whole time.

My little body can't take that kind of strain. And I am pathetic.
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What's In A Name? This Website Is Pretty Sure It Knows. [Apr. 25th, 2003|01:00 am]
That Deceitful Bohemian Delilah
[Current Mood |hornyhorny]
[Current Music |Conan O'Brien]

I snatched up this link from seasoulsky


Love me:

*Of course, you do everything to get loved. When you're really in love, you're capable of the greatest generosity, the greatest sincerity and the greatest efforts, for you need to feel that your mate considers you as a unique, exceptional, and irreplaceable being. But it must be pointed out that you have difficulty adapting yourself to others in general and to the other one in particular. It is therefore necessary that your mate shows enough flexibility so as to put up with your strong personality. Furthermore, every actor needs a public; and which public is more readily available than the one who shares your existence?

*In love, you are majestic with your generosity and the intensity of your flame, but you demand full and complete admiration. In return, you enjoy protecting and showering your goodness. Passions play an essential role in your love destiny; these may be solid and durable, even though you always tends to question them. Possessive in your affections, you prefer to reject what you can't control. Your love life would be more harmonious if you could understand others better. Often, ambition or interest gets involved in your affairs of the heart; but it would be wrong to believe that you lack romanticism.

*Endowed with powerful magnetism, you arouse passion better than anyone else. And, among all the suitors crowded at your feet, it is by no means very difficult for you to choose your sister soul. Thus, when one with your first name is single, it's generally because she wanted and decided that. If you wish to experience couple life, you will tend to place the bar so high that you'll nevertheless have difficulty finding the rare pearl.

Pick me up:
(This one is actually pretty offensive..)

*You like challenges? Try to pick up a Kaitlin! If you're handsome, rich and famous, you have your chances. If this is not the case, brace yourself!

*Take care of your appearance and try to be perfect from your fingertips to your shoes. Thoroughly clean up your small Toyota car or, better still, hire a Jaguar or a convertible Mercedes. Follow elocution courses and learn Who's Who by heart.

*Do show self-assurance; but at the same time don't steal the limelight from her. And then, perhaps she will consent to cast a look on you. And to love you? That's quite another story!

Marry me:

*Contrary to other very nonconformist first names, you're a firm supporter of law and order. So, marriage is viewed by you as a useful institution, the one which is necessary to keep.

*On the occasion of your wedding, a memorable day among all, you'll give yourself away to your taste for displays. And, if the circumstances and your spouse allow it, you'll offer yourself a brilliant ceremony and a big reception.

*As you're a passionate person, very fond of the absolute, you have every chance to make a love marriage. However, if your mate possesses as strong a personality as yours, tensions will eventually arise with the passing of time. Nevertheless, you attach a lot of importance to appearances. Therefore, you'll consider to divorce only at the last extreme ; and, out of self-conceit, you'll see to it that your couple give out an image of unity and shining happiness - just for the pleasure of seeing jealousy and envy darken the eyes of people around you!

Fuck me:

*Your fantasms have nothing mean or obscure. With you, everyone swims in glory, renown, and celebrity! Those who arouse your fantasms are in view, in full glare. Narcissistic and demanding, proud and perfectionist, you shun meanness and weakness. Lusterless daily life bores you and, whether you have the courage to avow it or not, only a being of great quality or whose beauty and merits everyone admires can have chances to lure you. And, in your dreams, there are many known people who would be surprised at the feats which you make them accomplish. You are not snobbish, however. It's because your senses are aroused only in the presence of those who excite the desire of all, who are unreachable because of their birth, their talent, or their fame. That's a challenge worthy of you!

*The man of your fantasms is powerful. Socially powerful, but also sexually. He bears a scepter and a crown or, at least, a sword and a blazon. He's a great theater actor, a movie star, or a world-famous singer. He's by his birth above all others. But not above you! For what you dream of is to dominate this man, who dominates all others. To enslave this powerful man whom everyone fears, that's your fantasm!
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"I Will Do The German Dance For You, It's Fun And Gay And La La La.." [Apr. 23rd, 2003|09:38 pm]
That Deceitful Bohemian Delilah
[Current Mood |protective]
[Current Music |Epilogue: Ragtime/Wheels of a Dream (reprise) -- Cast]

It was freezing out today and I had to run 3 laps around the track during gym. I ran with my arms crossed, trying to keep myself warm. Well, I really jogged and walked most of it, but that didn't stop the icy air from cutting into my lungs and making me sniffle every two seconds to keep my nose from running. Every time I slowed down to a walking pace, I would breathe into the sleeve of my sweatshirt so I could have some warm air.

When we got back in the gym I had a huge headache and I lay down on the bleachers for a bit which made me feel better, but by the time I got to chorus my lungs still hurt when I breathed deeply.

In French class someone wrote the words, "Black Cock," on the board. Ms. Albu didn't noticed it until she was up at the board writing a sentence and Lyle goes, "Um could someone please erase the profanity from the board?" (Meaning he was probably the one who wrote it.) Kelly said she wouldn't cause she liked it. And I stated that I thought it was kind of funny, and Ms. Albu flipped out on me. "Oh and Kaitlin maybe I could write for you a pass and make you write it on a piece of paper and show Mr. Krewer." I said, "What? But, I'm not the one who wrote it!" She says, "Doesn't matter! You should not encourage that behavior in anyone. *imitates my voice* I like it." Then I stated that Kelly was the one who said she liked it, I simply said it was funny. Then the ordeal was over with.

BUT, a few minutes later the what she said really sunk in. She said that she wanted me to write me a pass down to the office so I could write the obscenity on a piece of paper...and show Mr. Krewer. I just got this image in my head of me going down to the office and handing Krewer a paper that had, "Black Cock," written on it and saying, "Um, Ms. Albu wanted me to give you this." Heh, it would be kind of funny actually.

I'm listening to the second CD of the Ragtime soundtrack and I have to say that CD 1 is about a million times better than CD 2. Maybe that's why I hardly ever listen to it.

This has been a pretty boring post, I apologize. In math class today I was looking at my calendar and was surprised by how many things are coming up in May. There are SO many things I have to do in May. And now I'm trying to decide if I want to go see the production of My Arm for The Art Party. I'm wondering if he'll be there or not. It's been sooo long since I've seen him, I miss it. There is also a free drink involved with this production too,..so that's sounding good to me.

And as of right now, I miss being involved in a production. That is all.

(P.S. I want to steal my sweetheart away from promotions, tuck him into bed, and make sure he gets some proper rest)
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Theories As To Why I Am Neither Artistic Nor Creative [Apr. 22nd, 2003|05:01 pm]
That Deceitful Bohemian Delilah
[Current Mood |tiredtired]
[Current Music |nothing]

Today in English was sat there while the teacher explained all about our research paper to us and used the phrase, "Or what have you," more times today than the whole year combined. I wonder if she even realizes she says it so often. Then in History, Mr. Benaquista told us all about the research paper that he's assigning us, which just so happens to be due on the same day as the English one. UGH.

I was really tired, so I slept through my whole math class until the end of the period when I sat up to start doing my homework. I understood the whole lesson even though I had my head down, I only had one question. The teacher asked me if I was alright. I don't know why they assume you're terribly ill just because you put your head down on a desk for the period. No, I'm not sick, I'm bored and I'm tired so screw you and answer my one question so I can do my homework and you can go away. After that it was a double period of Science because of lab day, and I fell asleep for most of the first period of that too. The fact that my eyes hurt contributed to the fact I wanted to shut them. I wore glasses most of the day because I've noticed my eyesight getting progressively worse, but they hurt my eyes.

In French there was a substitute who gave us a worksheet. But when we were done with that, there was nothing else assigned so I was able to go on the computer and see Kelly's film for her media arts class. It was incredible. I was really truly impressed by it, and all the editing that went into it on the computer. If only we had that technology for Living Dead Girl. Wow.

So now that that's out of the way, here are my theories as to why I am neither truly artistic nor creative:

1. I believe, and have noticed a trend, that the most creative and talented people have had an upsetting or traumatizing childhood. My childhood was exactly the opposite of this. And although I would never wish a horrible childhood on myself, I feel like I've had it too good. I haven't any real gut-wrenching emotional dysfunctions to pour into my work.

2. I am an American. I am also the child of Americans. I haven't the inherited knowledge of any type of culture outside of Americana besides Catholicism and a bit of Judaism, but those are both religions. My culture is apple pie, baseball, and television. My country's traditional dance is...well, name a type of dance and I'll tell you what country we stole it from. Is square dancing ours? Oh great we get square dancing. See what I mean? Europeans are more creative and aristic and knowledgable not only because they have harder schools, but also because they live by so many other countries and are surrounded by their culture and can go visit them easily. Here in America, most of us don't even remember that Mexico and Canada are on the same continent as we are. This coincides nicely with number 3...

3. My lack of travel. I haven't been anywhere outside of the country. I've never crossed an ocean, hell I've never been farther West than Illinois. And even out of 50 states I've only really visited 7, possibly 8.

I wish I was better at creative things. Eh, in other news, my mom really wants me to go to prom. She ordered me a dress and everything. I still have no one to go with. I asked Sammy if she'd go with me, but she can't. I'd go alone, but it's more money, and I feel bad making my parents spend all that. I'm actually feeling kind of rejected. But this is what was destined to happen, I've known it since I was a little kid.

I'm tired.
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There Are No Words [Apr. 21st, 2003|05:33 pm]
That Deceitful Bohemian Delilah
[Current Mood |sadsad]
[Current Music |Lux aeterna -- The Cambridge Singers]

All the routine, trivial things about my day that I was going to write about don't seem important anymore.

My boyfriend told me that a mutual friend of ours, Becca, sweetwater_kill, died in a car accident yesterday. And sure enough I went to her 'friends page' and saw all the loving entries from her best friends and people like myself, people who never got to meet her in person, writing about their feelings of disbelief and how much they will miss her. They made me start to cry so much.

She was always such a sweet girl and so pretty. And she had such a cute voice, so full of life and cheerful. It struck me as absolutely lovely right away when I called that voicemail number she left in her journal, I never left a message though. We had alot in common. She was a Scorpio like me, we shared many of the same traits where the zodiac is concerned, and we even had some of the same clothes. Like I am with mine, she was in utter love and adoration with her boyfriend. My heart goes out to him. I can't even begin to imagine how he must feel. And she was only 18. Just a year older than me. I keep thinking how it could have so easily just been me that it happened to.

I am very sad and very thoughtful right now. Everything can end so quickly,...it boggles my mind.

And I'm listening to Requiem which is involuntarily making me nostalgic of Design For Living and walking around the rainy streets of the city with Spy Kids posters on every corner. 2 years ago. Which is making me sad for different and similar reasons all at the same time.

Lux aeterna luceat eis, Domine: cum sanctus tuis in aeternum, quia pius es.
Requiem aeternam dona eis, Domine: et lux perpetua luceat eis.
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Following The Book Of Daddy [Apr. 20th, 2003|11:23 pm]
That Deceitful Bohemian Delilah
[Current Mood |relaxedrelaxed]
[Current Music |nothing]

Another kick ass episode of Six Feet Under tonight. Nate telling Lisa, "I could fuck you right where you stand," Ruth kissing Arthur, Gay paintball and then Keith and David having a gay threesome with that other guy, and The People living by 'The Book of Daddy.' Overall that episode was just fucking cool.

I really have nothing else to say except I saw the X2 special on Fox tonight and it showed a bunch of shots of Alan getting the makeup put on, and one of him yawning which was priceless. Then some guy said what a pleasure it was to work with him. Aww.

They also did a little feature on the bamfing and showed him teleporting all over a room, kicking the crap out of people and all I could think was, "Oh my god!! .....That is SO fucking hot." Hehe..I know, I know, but it is. I can't tell you how excited I am to see this movie. Because of him I'm now a Lifetime and an X-men fanatic.

I read alot more of The Joy Luck Club today as well and I got up to the part where the little girl plays chess which reminded me how much I love to play chess. No one will ever play chess with me! You, darling, we used to play on Yahoo Games, we should again. I might just win one day!

School tomorrow. *throws tantrum* I don't wanna go.
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Happy Easter!! [Apr. 20th, 2003|02:49 pm]
That Deceitful Bohemian Delilah
[Current Mood |surprisedsurprised]
[Current Music |Tv]

Oh my god!!!
So here I am randomly watching an old episode of Jessie on the ABC Family Channel..
When, in the middle of the commercials I hear, "Alan Cumming is a classical trained actor, writer, director, and stand-up comedian. In Circle of Friends he plays a store clerk who's trying with win the affections of her *shows Minnie Driver* but she's in love with him *shows Chris O'Donnell* so why is he looking at her that way? *shows Saffron* Find out next Sunday at..." whatever time it's going to be aired.

That was fucking awesome!! He was like the star of the commercial. I love seeing Alan on Tv out of the blue like that, it gets me all excited.

So now that I'm writing this entry, I might as well say today's Easter. My mom woke me up and told me I had to go find my Easter Basket. I didn't think she was still going to do that this year, but she did. So I got out of bed and put some clothes on and walked out of my room. I stopped in front of the office and go, "It wouldn't happen to be on that chair under that blanket would it?" She said 'no' very unconvincingly, and that's where it was. So easy. hehe

It's so cute, she got me all sorts of prezzies for Easter. My mom is the best and so sweet. There was a bunch of chocolate, and some nail polish, the Funny Girl soundtrack, a book on Zelda and F. Scott Fitzgerald, the movie Evita, a light pink tank top with lace (which she thinks looks adorable on me, and I think it makes me look 5), and a black tank top that says "Sweetini" on it (which I'm also unsure about, but it's cute)

It's such a gorgeous day, I want to go outside, but alas there's no where to go. The park perhaps? That means getting dressed though. What I'd most like to do involves taking off my clothes, but I think I'll lounge in my pajamas with the windows open and read a bit.
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The Mall In Its Pathetic Glory [Apr. 19th, 2003|11:34 pm]
That Deceitful Bohemian Delilah
[Current Mood |wanting you]
[Current Music |Saturday Night Live]

I went to the mall with my mom today. I got to drive which meant going on the highway. Pretty scary, but not so bad that I wouldn't be able to get used to it. I was in the dressing room at Victoria's Secret, which is extremely well furnished, there was a lovely thing to sit on in there, and I wondered how many girls have tried on lingerie for their boyfriends in there before and then had them come inside the room so they could fool around.

And I was in Hot Topic at one point and I thought to myself, "I'm so glad I'm past this phase." I used to hang out in there every Friday. Oh, and I was in The Icing and I thought, "Damn, I've stolen shit from this store." And I realized, so maybe I haven't gone to tons of parties and done tons of drugs, and fooled around with tons of people, and have virtually no wild stories from my teen years that those stupid movies are based on, but I do have some pretty bad ass memories of the mall. It was like Cheers or "The Stuffed Shirt" for awhile. That's pretty cool. Every Friday was an adventure.

On our way out of the mall there were these two little boys outside and one of them goes, "I'm Spiderman!" and starts climbing on top of a fire hydrent. The other little boy goes, "I'm Spiderman too!!" and he runs over and goes to start climbing on it too when their parents come around the corner and yell at the first boy, "Tommy get down!!" and the seconds little boy stop in his tracks and goes, "Yeah Tommy, get down!" It was SO funny and cute.

Then we went out to dinner with my father to Angelo's. We always bring our own bottle of wine there and the first time the waitress bought 3 wine glasses, and the second time the waitress only bought 2 wine glasses and asked me what I wanted to drink. So when we walked in tonight we were trying to decide where to sit and my father kind of got frustrated and raised his voice and went, "Let's just go over there!" So we sat down at a table and the waitress puts our menus down and I go to my father, "Jesus, dad I'm 21 now, you don't have to yell at me!" That was slick I thought. My parents were also impressed, but...it didn't work. Then, we just had a typical dinner out..with wine. Crazy times.

When we got home we started watching some movie called Amy's Orgasm which was somewhat interesting. I got bored of it though and my mom came upstairs and watched South Park with me. But then she feel asleep, and I had to enforce the rules of Kaitlin's room. If you can't stay awake, you gotta get out. She's always so difficult about it, but she's gone now.

I want my sweetheart to be online right now. I haven't talked to him all day and all I want to do is lay down with him and spend the rest of the night and early morning having him, feeling him against me. Sigh, I've been thinking of that all day.

I haven't seen him in person in so long, I miss it. I want it. I need it.
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"I Need To Be Dazzling. I Want To Be Rainbow High!" [Apr. 18th, 2003|09:24 pm]
That Deceitful Bohemian Delilah
[Current Mood |enviousenvious]
[Current Music |Watching Goldeneye]

.I'm dreaming of greatness.

"The name on everybody's lips is gonna be..."

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I'm Still In Bed [Apr. 17th, 2003|01:37 pm]
That Deceitful Bohemian Delilah
[Current Mood |uncomfortableuncomfortable]
[Current Music |nothing]

My parents woke me up at the normal time this morning.
By 7:24 I decided that I didn't want to go to school today.
So my mom called the office, and I went right back to sleep.

It's 1:39 and I only woke up a few minutes ago.
I slept through almost the entire school day.

Now, just tell me why I feel so guilty about it?
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My Damn Computer Froze And Made Me Rewrite This [Apr. 16th, 2003|11:11 pm]
That Deceitful Bohemian Delilah
[Current Mood |flirtyflirty]
[Current Music |The Daily Show]

So who wants to make me some red Kool Aid? I'm thirsty and craving red Kool Aid. I was going to make some apple juice ice pops earlier today but I forgot. Huh, that just made me remember how I used to fill ice cube trays and wait for them to partially freeze, if you waited for the PERFECT amount of time, the inside of the ice would be all slushy and good, but if you waited a wrong amount of time, the insides would just have water and the surrounding ice would be really sharp. I used to sit at my kitchen table and eat those like candy in the summer.

I got about half an hour of sleep last night, but I was able to wake up this morning surprisingly easily. And for all of you who think that I am pessimistic, think again. My father asked me this morning if I needed to refill my water bottle and without even thinking about it I said, "No, it's still half full." Who the optimist? That's right, me!

We had the Hitler substitue in History today who screamed at us from the moment we came into class. We weren't allowed to talk at all and he yelled every time someone made the slightest noise. I HATE when people yell. He threatened one girl with a Saturday detention with him because she was whispering to her friend, asking about the assignment. Ugh, he's such a creepy guy. Our assignment was to draw a political cartoon and all of a sudden I hear this voice in my ear that scares the crap out of me and he goes to me, "That's very good." I said, "Um thanks," clearly irritated and not amused, so he left and went to bother some other students.

In French Ms. Albu tried to say the word, reminiscent, but she all the wrong emphasis on all the wrong syllables and I was the only one who could figure out what she said.

It was HOT today on the way home, and the heat plus my lack of sleep made me so drained by the time I got home. I just sprawled myself across my bed in my underwear and refused to move. My room is the hottest one in the house, I swear.

I eventually had to get up though and go to my voice lesson. I had on sandals and my teacher's dog licked my toes when I walked in the house. My teacher was mucking about with my posture and giving me the whole 'singing posture' talk for the billionth time. I find it amusing that all the strengh to support your breath is supposed to come from your abs, bum, thighs, and groin. "Use your groin," she says, "Use your groin!" "Belieeeeeeve me, I'd like to!!!," I think to myself.

Tonight was Passover. You know, that's one thing I miss about being friends with Jess. I liked going to her house for Passover every year and drinking grape juice and eating matza and watching all her crazy Russian relatives get drunk. And my father would come to pick me up and they'd talk him into doing some shots with them. Aah, but that's all past...over. Hah! *drums* That was so not funny.

What is making me smile though, is thinking about our conversation last night this morning. In the beginning you said you felt polite, and then comparing that to the last few im's you sent before you signed off. *grins* I like the contrast.

I want to take the day off tomorrow...but I have Friday off so I guess I won't but still,...I want to.
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I Bring Out Your Darker Side [Apr. 15th, 2003|11:44 pm]
That Deceitful Bohemian Delilah
[Current Mood |mischievousmischievous]
[Current Music |nothing]

I love how I can make people feel dirty with nothing but a facial expression. The library was closed at lunch today and so was the computer lab so I was forced to sit at my table the rest of the period. Since I had nothing else to do, I tried to immerse myself in The Joy Luck Club but I kept getting distracted with my own sexy thoughts.

Mike was sitting with Lindsey and commenting on how no one wore short skirts like she does. Then he began telling her a story about how someone was bothering him during the day, but I wasn't really paying attention, I was trying to read, as I said. Then I hear him going, "But screw it, screw it, screw it, screw it" over and over again. And I glance over out of the corner of my eye and his hands are gripping the top of a water bottle moving it up and down whilst Lindsey's hands are on the bottom holding it, sometimes moving with him, sometimes letting it slip back and forth against her hands.

And needless to say, you know where my mind was, so I just looking up from my book and grinned at the both of them, raising my eyebrows and just glancing at their hand motions. And Lindsey, immidiately lets go, starts laughing, and covers her face with her hands. Mike shoots me a nasty look (He was made at me for interupting them. Heh!) And Lindsey moves her hands from her face and goes, "Shut up Kaitlin!" And I smiled and started laughing and said, "I didn't say a word! Not a single word." Which is true, I didn't say anything. Hehe I'm just notorious for my perverted insights.

I shall now count to twenty in the Indian tongue!
No, just kidding, I shall now do a surveys to pass the time until my delicious darling comes back from dinner. (You used 3 'D' words there, did you know that?)

Three whole surveys...Collapse )

I deleted a bunch of questions in that last survey cause I was getting bored. I apologize if that was way too much Kaitlin being thrown at you, but at least it kept me occupied.
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Taking A Breather [Apr. 14th, 2003|10:42 pm]
That Deceitful Bohemian Delilah
[Current Mood |pleasedpleased]
[Current Music |Live And Let Die -- Paul McCartney]

*flops backwards on my bed, stares at ceiling while catches breath, and smiles*
This has been a very very nice afternoon going into evening.
Oh yes... = )

In History today we were discussing the issue of slavery in the late 1800's again and Mr. Benaquista goes, "Alright yeah, and what is the gag rule?" And I opened my mouth and said, "It's!.....no, no that one's just too easy."

I hate how on Christmas lights when one light burns out, the whole strand of them goes dead. The white Christmas lights that border the canopy on my bed aren't working and this makes me sad. This means no sexy dim lighting for me. Only harsh lamplight, or complete darkness.

Darkness is always good for thoughts that run wild, and then watching it gradually get lighter as morning approaches and before you know it, another early morning has been spent passionately with him. Ah, but I'm getting ahead of myself now.

Hehe my AOL filing cabinet is going to explode sooner or later.
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"Universal Shafting?! The Shafting Of The Universe, Eh?" [Apr. 13th, 2003|08:16 pm]
That Deceitful Bohemian Delilah
[Current Mood |excitedexcited]
[Current Music |The Return of Alex Kelly on Lifetime]

Yesterday I went to the city with my mom to see A Day In The Death Of Joe Egg. I heard it was going to be really depressing show so I was a bit hesitant at first to go see it, because I didn't want to get depressed and emotional. But, I'm so glad I went because it was such a brilliantly acted, amazingly written, and FUNNY show.

The American Airlines Theatre was checking everyone's bags, but they didn't do it very well. I just opened mine and they shined a flashlight in it, and that was it. Little did they know, I had one of their doorstops I stole, lurking at the bottom of my bag.

My mom and I had front row seats on the right side and there was a lady sitting next to my mom asking her about the perks of being a Roundabout subscriber. I don't remember how it was brought up, but we asked her if she saw Design For Living, and she goes, "Of course! I see everything Alan Cumming does." When she found out that I do too, she would NOT stop talking. We talked all about Cabaret and Elle and then she started talking about all these other shows that had nothing to do with Alan, and I was polite and made eye contact and talked, but let me tell you, I was SO relieved when she took it upon herself to change seats to be more toward the center.

That finally gave me a chance to read my playbill and check out the curtain which looked like a huge black board with stuff written all over it. On one part of it, it had the words, "Baby Jesus" and I started cracking up when I saw that. That was an inside joke for god knows how long.

Then the show started, and all the hype I've heard about Eddie Izzard was so warrented. The man is adorable! Him and his character were my favorite. I liked how in the beginning he kept flirting with his wife and telling her that he had been thinking of her and wanting her all day, lying beneath him with her legs "flailing about." But she was being a typical girl and making excuses, and at one point he's across the room and points at her and says all intensely, "Your husband wants you." Then he started humping the back of a chair. I also liked how his wife was supposed to have been promiscuous before she knew him and she mentioned some company called Universal Shafting and he goes, "Universal Shafting? That's the story of your life!" Despite all the hilarious parts though, it was a really...intense show, and everyone left the theatre kind of hushed and thoughtful. I would see it again though. I really enjoyed it.

So then we went home, and I went online. And I had a marvelous time with my love last night, which I'm actually really hoping to repeat tonight.

*mentally wills him to come online*
Wow! I can't believe it! It worked. There's my beautiful darling now..
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That's Better, So Much Better [Apr. 11th, 2003|10:32 pm]
That Deceitful Bohemian Delilah
[Current Mood |thoughtfulthoughtful]
[Current Music |nothing]

Today was the last day of the 3rd marking period! Yay! That means grades start all over from the beginning again which is always lovely. The down side is that gym class starts again on Monday.

I was supposed to miss school and spend the day visiting Montclair State University today, taking 2 theatre classes there and seeing a production of A Midsummer Night's Dream done by their theatre students. That would have been nice, but when my Chem teacher announced we were having a test today, I opted against going. It was just as well, that weather was awful and depressing and I was better off in a familiar environment.

Things with my boyfriend are looking so much better now, which makes me feel quite happy and relieved. Yay!! We had a beautiful conversation about holding each other and falling asleep together last night. Then today, we've just been laughing, and goofing off and teasing each other and being creative together making a journal layout. It's so nice to work on a project together and see the finished result and know that it came from the two of us, together. Both our thoughts and effort and input coming together to make one thing. It makes me proud.

He is so silly though, and cracks me up so much. I was laughing for such a long time with this one...

whatalime: !!!!! i just found $605 underneath my bed by the end table. it must have fallen back there a long time ago
sexyscorpiochic: lolololol!!!
whatalime: lol!!! this is fab!
whatalime: now i can order a pizza
sexyscorpiochic: lolololol!!! omg i'm dying lol!
whatalime: aww why? lol!
sexyscorpiochic: lolol!! that was sooooo funny. lol omg. lol!
whatalime: what?? lol
sexyscorpiochic: lol!! some people find dimes in their couch or ten dollars in their pocket, but you find 605 dollars. lolol!! and now that you have it, you have enough money to order a pizza. lolol!!

Every moment with him is a moment I love for.
Thanks to all of you who have shown me so much support these past few days.
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